


Coming Home

by MajorWeak



Category: Misha Collins - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Army, Best Friends, Biting, Boys In Love, Car Sex, Childhood Friends, Comfort Sex, Comfort/Angst, Creampie, Cuddling, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Developing Relationship, Dorks in Love, Drunk Blow Jobs, Drunk Dancing, Drunk Dialing, Drunk Misha Collins, Drunk Sex, Drunk Texting, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Epic Friendship, F/M, Face-Fucking, Falling In Love, Fingering, First Kiss, First Love, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Forehead Kisses, French Kissing, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Fuckbuddies, Fucking, Heavy Angst, Hickies, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, In Love, Kissing, Kissing in the Rain, Large Cock, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Male-Female Friendship, Marking, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Military, Multiple Orgasms, Naked Cuddling, Neck Kissing, Oral Sex, Orgasm, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Denial, Past Relationship(s), Penis In Vagina Sex, Phone Sex, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Coital Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Public Sex, Romantic Friendship, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Separation Anxiety, Sex, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Simultaneous Orgasm, Social Anxiety, Spooning, Surprise Kissing, Teen Angst, True Love, True Love's Kiss, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Violent Thoughts, Violent flashbacks, Wall Sex, War, blowjob, facefuck, friends - Freeform, handjob, hicky, lip biting, relationship, throatfuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-03 18:07:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15824178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWeak/pseuds/MajorWeak
Summary: Trigger Warning: Talks Of Suicide and Suicidal Thoughts





	1. Chapter 1

Caia returned back to Las Angeles earlier than presumed, still in her military gear as she stepped inside the Starbucks and got in line to make her order. She still should have been out on the field but when she got a message regarding the death of her father she was given a week's leave from base.

The brunette stepped forward when 'next' was called out and made her order for a large flat white with an extra shot and two sugars to go. Once she had given the lady her name, the spelling too of course, she took a seat nearby the counter. It had been years since she had been home for longer than a few days, remembering when she first was deployed after turning nineteen.

People were coming and going in this place, at least that hadn't changed so much with Starbucks still proving to be a popular choice. When her name was called she took the few short steps to the counter and thanked the man for her coffee before walking back outside. With her free hand she pulled a cigarette from the packet that was in the pocket of her off cream military shirt and then lit it up.

About to head off back home to begin preparing for her fathers funeral early the next day, she was stopped when she heard a man calling after her who had stepped out of the Starbucks behind her. Caia spun around to take a look at him, something about him seemed familiar though she couldn't quite place it.

"Caia...I.. it's been a long time." The voice sounded somewhat familiar too, still unable to place it.

"Sorry, do I know you?" She questioned, cigarette hanging loosely from her lips as she inhaled a plume of smoke.

"It's me, Misha... Krushnic, remember?" He asked with a small hopeful smile and then she knew why he looked and sounded familiar.

Misha and Caia had known each other since preschool and had grown up together, the same school and even lived a block away from each other. They were the best of friends as kids but when Caia was thirteen her parents had moved to Minnesota and the two never saw each other again.

"Wow Misha.. it's been a real long time." Caia said, not quite sure what to say or how to say it. Misha had been her first real crush, her first friend, first best friend and a day before she left he had been her very first kiss.

Misha looked over her uniform and then met her face again, finger pointed to the military getup she'd still had on, having not had a chance yet to change.

"You joined the military huh, you uh.. you just get back?" He asked curiously, to which she nodded. "How are your parents?"

Caia opened her mouth and then shrugged sadly. "Mish... that's why I'm home, because dad died... two days ago."

Misha sucked in a breath and sighed softly, almost giving her a small nod. "God, I'm sorry... how's your mum?"

"She died four years ago." Caia answered which caused an uneasy silence between the two of them. "I gotta go, make sure everything is ready, y'know. It was good seeing you again, Mish, really good."

Misha stopped her before he could leave, swapping his number for hers. "Maybe we can catch up when you've got a minute spare ok." He suggested and she gave him a fake smile, that smile that he knew all too well.


	2. Chapter 2

Caia took a cab back to her fathers house, not all surprised to see that not much had changed since she'd been home last. She set her bags down by the door as she moved through the place, eyeing family photos. She took her bag down the hall and set it back down in the spare room, taking out some clothes before she went for a shower in the ensuite's bathroom.

Proper hot water streamed under a good water pressure for longer than a minute was like a god send. Changing into a pair of jeans felt good too, though it didn't stop Caia from tucking them into her boots or from tucking her black tee into her jeans either. Everything seemed fine and ready to go in terms of the funeral, which meant that she could now cook herself a proper meal and maybe watch a movie.

Plans always changed though and after eating and cleaning up afterward she found herself at the bar a block over. Caia ordered herself a beer and during the period of a few hours she had moved on to whiskey neat's, sat up by the bar sipping them while watching the latest football game on the mid sized television.

Misha thought it was her when he had first stepped inside and when he knew that it was he moved to the bar and pulled up the stool beside her.

"Hi again, how're you holding up?" His voice took her attention away from the game as she turned to look at him just briefly, attention then going back to the game.

"I'm alright." It was a short reply but he didn't take it to heart, hell, he figured with the amount that she'd seen and been through and now losing her dad too, that she wouldn't be up for much of a conversation, didn't mean that he wouldn't try though.

"What happened after you got to Minnesota?"

Caia sighed, downing the remainder of the amber liquid with ease as it warmed her chest. 

"Nothing, for a while anyway, just school and the regular crap. Then me and the old man got into a huge fight one afternoon, massive fight. I can't even remember what it was about anymore, I just remember I ended up moving out 'cause of it." She raised her hand and pointed to her glass, earning a nod from the bartender who then refilled it.

"When did you join the military?" Misha asked, he had so many questions, so much missed time that he wanted to catch up on.

"Day I turned eighteen, got deployed day after I turned nineteen and more or less been fighting wars since then." Her jaw tightened, most nights she wasn't able to sleep without her mind replaying over everything she'd seen. "What're you doing for yourself these days, Mish?"

Misha choked on a laugh, "acting." He raised a hand when she gave him a stiff look, "I know alright, but turns out that politics was not really for me after all. The acting has worked out ok though, it's hard work but I enjoy it."

Caia laughed before tipping back her drink to swallow a sip while Misha observed some small tattoos along the uppers of her arms and also a scar on her forearm. He almost didn't want to ask, he wasn't sure if he still had the right to do that anymore but he pointed at it anyway and tipped his head curiously.

"Shrapnel from a bomb." Caia finished her drink and paid her tab, figuring it was rather late and it wouldn't be such a great idea to turn up at her fathers funeral hung over. "Catch 'round, Misha."

"Want me to come tomorrow?" He called out after her, only getting a raised hand from her as she walked out of the bar in response.


	3. Chapter 3

Misha smiled and then laughed to himself, still stuck staring at the door she had just exited from. Caia was different to the girl he'd grown up with, that much he knew but when you go through things that she had, he always knew that it changed people. Still, he found himself still amazed by her, the same way he'd always find himself amazed by her when they were younger.

He remembered that when she had moved all that time ago, just how bad it had broken his heart and that part of his heart never recovered from that day. Misha could remember everything about that day, the smell in the air, the warmth of the sun and right down to that heartbroken look that she had worn as she gazed at him from her parents moving car.

He was going to tell her that he loved her that day, that he wanted to live for hundreds and thousands of years with her, because as kids, hundreds and thousands of years was their forever. He pulled himself out of memory lane and dragged himself out of the old bar stool to head back home, where he laid in bed thinking about that day all over again.

Caia had fallen asleep in her dad's bed once she had gotten home, stirring slightly throughout the night, finally snapping forward early hours of the morning as flashbacks haunted her dazed mind. She changed into shorts and a jumper and then headed out for an early morning run to help clear her head, rid her from those flashbacks, seemingly thinking about the day she'd left Massachusetts and Misha.

The woman had never recovered from that day either, from that moment where his face became blurred from teary eyes and distance between them. She finished her run to find Misha at the stoop of her fathers house, suit on and tie somewhat crooked. He smiled at her and pulled a face at her when she straightened his tie, laughing.

Caia smiled, unlocking the house, inviting him inside while she went to shower and change for the funeral. When she came back out in her formal military suited uniform, he straightened her own tie in turn and smiled lovingly at her.

"Your dad would have been real proud of you." Misha told her as he led her outside to his car.

She smiled in response and slipped into the passenger seat, finding that he was still that same, loving, caring soul that was always such a gentleman. He drove them to the graveyard, not at all surprised by the turn out, her dad had been a pillar in the local community after all.

Caia was greeted by old family friends, distant family memebers and welcoming hugs and yet the only reason she didn't feel all alone was because of Misha, who sat by her side, who held her hand the same way he would when they were kids and who made sure that his attention was hers and no one else's. To everyone's surprise Caia didn't cry, not during her Eulogy, not during anyone else's words and not when they lowered his casket into the ground.

That worried Misha but he wasn't going to pressure her about it, instead he sat beside her in an isolated corner of the bar that everyone had gathered at to celebrate the life of her father.

"He talked about you a lot, you know." Misha told her and she perked up at the statement.

"You visited my dad?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Whenever I could." He replied between a sip of beer, still quite unable to believe that after a decade or so apart, that they had found each other again. Then he felt a sting in his heart, she would probably be going back after tonight and that feeling of losing her all over again began to wear against his features.

Caia nodded silently whilst staring at her half empty glass and the amber liquid that occupied the other half. She was set to redeploy earlier the next morning but had found herself struggling to tell Misha, though she knew that a part of him already knew that.

So she downed the rest of her drink and turned to look to him, his eyes catching hers, head dropping with the realization that she was about to tell him that she was leaving again.

"You know that I have to, Meah." Meah being what Caia had called him when they were very young, before either of them could pronounce the other's name properly.

Misha turned his head away from her, tears threatening the blues of his eyes, knowing it could be the last night they spent together, knowing that because safety in war was not always promised.

"Then tell me that you will at least spend the rest of your time here with me." He cleared his throat, back of his hand wiping watery eyes before he met her gaze again.

Caia took his hand and stood up, she was sick of hanging around a bar while people around her spoke about stories of the past, so she walked outside and into the fresh air with him. He mustered up a smile, hand in hand as they walked no where in particular and yet everywhere their feet would carry them, ending up sat by a beach as the moon rose and the sky turned dark.

"I loved you, did you know that?" Misha broke the silence but his voice was low, soft and revealed his hurt.

"Yeah, I know." Caia gripped his hand, just a little tighter, letting out a soft breath, repeating those words. "I know."

They sat peacefully a few more minutes, wound up walking around a few hours more, finally ending up back at her fathers house, sat on the couch while the fireplace cracked. His arm dangled over her shoulder, just like when they were kids, his head on her shoulder, her cheek against the top of his head.

"Caia? This has been the best day of my life since I was thirteen." His admittance was a whisper, the smile on her face that he couldn't see was soft and warm.

Misha moved to reach into his pocket and dig out his wallet, inside of which contained a few photos, one of which, however, he treasured more than most. The last photo that they had together, sitting himself up, staring at it before handing it to her.

"So that we aren't apart when you go." Misha told her, damn near drawing tears from her, hidden well and avoided by her. She took his phone, opened the camera, snapped a photo of them together, again at last and smiled.

"So that we aren't apart." Caia placed the phone back in his coat, then laid her head against his shoulder, falling asleep in his arms, him falling asleep after, arms wrapped lazily around her.


	5. Chapter 5

Morning came around, blue eyes opening, blinking the blur of sun shining through the window, carefully slipping out of a gentle hold. Eyes stared at Misha sleeping peacefully, not a worry in the world in his sleeping state, heartbreak hidden away in sweet dreams.

Caia moved down the hall to her fathers room, changing back into uniform, carefully folding her suit, eyes catching a family photo by the night stand. A sigh escaped her lips, the photo he had given her tucked safely away in her pocket, bag now over her shoulder. She thought about waking him, to say goodbye, to say I'll see you soon, that I'll be home, she didn't know.

Leaving a letter instead would add to his pain, his anger for her not saying goodbye, that thought too became abandoned, drawing a blanket carefully over him, taking another second to look at him. Memorizing his face, the light stubble over his jaw, his hair, the way he smiled shyly, memorizing every tiny detail she could, finally leaving, keys left on the counter.

A silent ride to the airport proved the ever growing part of her that she had once more left behind, the part of her that never quite got the closure it deserved. A dozen soldiers gathered inside the cargo plane, each looking as weary as she did, each missing something left, knowing that their fight was important but still growing tired.

Sleep through the flight was mere, rare in bursts longer than two hours, each of those passing fast, faster than they had on the flight home, of course. A smooth landing followed by shuffling off of the plane, in the far off distance gunfire and explosions, the sounds of being back at base.

Misha blinked blue eyes awake, fear taking control of his mind, panic of his body, desperately searching the house for Caia, coming up empty, all except the house keys on the counter. Tears pooled in ocean blue hues, spilling down cheeks whilst his hand tossed the keys across the room.

Sad, scared and angry. Sad that she was gone, that she didn't say goodbye, she didn't even leave a note. Scared that something might happen to her, that she could be hurt, or furthermore, killed. Angry for all of those reasons, that he let her go, that he didn't try talking her out of it and angry that he didn't stop her.

He locked the house, fumbling keys into one pocket while fumbling car keys from the other. Misha refocused and went home, heading straight for the shower, letting the warm water wash away his anxiety, his darkness and depression.

Over the passing months he thought about her, wondered if she was ok, if she was thinking of him too, if she missed him. He had taken his heart from his sleeve, tucked it away, safe and deep where it couldn't get hurt again. Fingers tore open an envelope, a letter, it was her.

'Hey Meah,  
I know and I'm sorry but how could I? Our base camp has been moved so this letter might reach you a little later than I hoped. I'm doing ok, I'm alive and safe, as safe as can be and I hope you realize why I couldn't stay. Listen, we left a lot behind when we were younger, we never got the closure we needed. Maybe one day we will, maybe that memory of leaving you won't haunt me one day. I know what you're thinking, I can hear you in my head, just like when we were growing up, you've always been that voice in my head, so yes, I will be safe. I'll see you around someday and just know, you will always be my best friend and not a day has ever gone by that I haven't thought about you. For now though I have to go, be good Meah, stay good and loving.  
Love Always, Caia.'


	6. Chapter 6

Misha blinked away tears, a few managing to roll down cheeks, landing on the sheet of paper, she was ok and he was relieved. His hands folded the paper, once, twice...five times, then tucked it safely away in his wallet, behind photos.

War was hell, some didn't make it through the mental battle, the photo of the two of them, frequently looked at, used to keep her sane, stared at on sleepless nights and longer days. Another few months passing by, faster than expected, still stuck with memories of him, of happier times.

Gunshots rang, through the knee, then through the stomach, mid of falling as explosions rang near, defeaned and near unconscious. Men and women pulling her to safety, yells for the medic, sudden pressure placed against her stomach, a soft groan leaving cracked lips. Unconscious, living in memories of childhood, of laughter and happiness, where heartache didn't exist.

Waking up she was blinded by the bright lights of the hospital, not a military tent, a proper hospital, she had to be close to home. The doctor checks her vitals, begins explaining her situation, the surgery he conducted on her knee, the vice like brace she had to wear, arm in a sling, her stomach now fine, deep cuts from shrapnel, some that damaged muscle and tissue in her shoulder.

Caia sighed softly, a higher military authority moved into the room, the doctor leaves them to be, to let him break the news to her. The words 'honourable discharge' echoed through her mind, eyes falling upon the cased medal, a Purple Heart, earned through sacrifice, explaining more about her discharge, her injuries too much to return back to the field.

Saluted and then left to stare at the roof, bloodied battle clothes in a clear bag by her bed, heart thrumming, throat tightening, fighting tears. She struggled her way out of bed, changed back into those clothes, then signed herself out and took a cab to her fathers.

Sat on the couch, half a glass of whiskey in hand, Misha bursting through the door an hour later, features wraithed in fear. His hand runs over his face, relieved to see her, moving to stand in front of her.

"What happened? You didn't call, I found out off one of your parents old friends, they saw you leaving the hospital." His voice strained by anger, by sadness and fear.

"I don't want to talk about it, Misha." Voice cracking, hand bringing the glass to her lips, taking down the amber liquid in a gulp.

"Caia, what happened?" Now pleading, anger faded, knelt down to her level.

"What do you want me to say? I took two bullets, one through my knee cap that wrote me off, the other in the stomach, then I took shrapnel that messed my shoulder up and got me an honourable discharge... I've lost everything, he's really gone and I've lost everything." Her head lifted, weeping eyes finding his, realisation wreckoning her.

Misha moved forward, her hands attempt to fight him away, finally giving in, head falling against his shoulder, gasps for air through sobs. He cradles her head with one hand, the other softly gripped at the back of her shirt, keeping her close to him, safe and away from harm.

"You haven't lost me, Aiya, I'm right here... I'm right here."


	7. Chapter 7

Caia's hands gripped at the back of his shirt, fabric clenched in fists as she cried it all out. All that hurt, anger, frustration, the loss and the sadness, she cried it all out against his shoulder and yet didn't move from him once recollected. They missed each other, missed being close to each other, missed everything about each other.

Her hand began tracing up his back, pulling him into her, closer, afraid that if she let go that she might fall off of the edge of reality, become lost in insanity. Misha sighed, burying his face into the crevasse of her neck, inhaling her scent, blue eyes closed tight, tears pricking the hues, merely managing to fall.

"How about I make you something to eat, make you a hot coffee and afterward you take a hot shower and then get some sleep?" His voice was low, almost a whisper, still hidden in her neck, just out of her sight.

Sleep, she couldn't manage sleep, too many flashbacks, too many panic attacks afterwards. Her head lifted wearily off of his chest, his head lifting too, her hand brushing over his cheek, a weary smile pulling her lips. He leant into her touch, having being touch depraved, for so long now, yet her touch, it was soft, soothing, that part of her was still intact.

"You don't... no one could.. understand how much I missed you." Caia whispered those words, raising to his feet, she leaned forward when he placed a kiss to her forehead.

"I understand." He smiles, moving to the kitchen, preparing a fresh pot of coffee, bringing her a hot cup once done. "I am going to head to the store, get some groceries to make you a nice dinner, drink your coffee and then take a shower. I won't be long."

Another kiss pressed to her forehead before he leaves, she sips at the coffee until finished, making the walk to the bathroom where she stood in the shower. The hot water stung every cut, hurt every aching muscle, every damn bone, feeling like she had fought her way out of hell, grimacing.

Caia washed the remaining spats of blood from her sun kissed skin, spending another few minutes under the stream, finally drying herself off, changing into jeans and a black tee, in the midst of changing her dressings when he came back.

Misha set the bags down, then moved to her side, taking over, his touch much softer than her own, making her sigh softly, feeling much more at ease. He smiled once finished, moving back into the kitchen, beginning to prepare, start cooking, head peeping around the corner every so often to check on her.

He hated seeing her broken, determined to be there through it all, whether she would try and push him away or not, he could be that stubborn too. Seeing her reignited a hopefulness in him, reignited a part of his heart that he had since closed off. With her he could be himself, he could be open, emotional, reminiscent and everything in between, she was his light in the darkness.

Caia smiled at him wearily, every time he would take a glance at her, in his jeans and tee, a pair of sneakers, still just as adorable as she had found him when they were kids.


	8. Chapter 8

"How's your family doing?" She called out, Misha coming back out to sit beside her, dinner now cooking.

"They're good, Sacha is still Sacha, mum hasn't changed much at all, dad either, but they're all good. Told them that I'd caught up with you briefly after you left, they were so happy to hear about you." His family had always been sweet, always welcomed her, gotten along with her own family.

Caia smiled, letting herself sink back into the couch, pulling the cover down from the back, wrapping it around herself. Misha got up and moved to the fireplace, throwing in some logs, then got a nice fire started to keep them warm. She had closed her eyes, he had noticed that when he turned back around, smiling to himself, hoping she would get some sleep.

He kept himself busy, packing away groceries, cleaning out the fridge and cupboards, then sat at the table and read the newspaper, focusing mostly on world wide problems. She had only been asleep half an hour when she began stirring, Misha noticing that it started with inaudible mumbles, cold sweats, a jerk of the arm or hand.

It seemed to settle, at least that was what he had thought, until she shot up, caught in a flashback, he startled her and she pulled a flick knife from her pocket. Misha raised his hands, stayed still where he stood and released a small breath.

"Caia, it's ok... you're home, you're safe. Safe with me, just listen to my voice." He took slow steps forward, her hand shaking, head tilting, brows furrowing. "It's just me, Misha, I'm not going to hurt you. How about we just put the knife down."

She snapped back to reality, to the real world, looking at the cradled knife in her hand, then to Misha, letting out a shaky breath as she let the knife fall on the floor, blue eyes teary as she looked back up to him. Misha was then right beside her, taking her face in his hands, staring into her eyes.

"You're ok, I'm ok.. everything is ok." His voice was a coo, his thumb brushed the tears from her cheeks, the trauma of war heavy in her subconscious.

Caia nodded weakly, shaking her head to try and push it aside, out of mind. She opened her mouth to speak, finding that she couldn't, that her attempts were strained and futile, just wanting to apologise to Misha. She was afraid of what she could do, what she could have done to him, wishing it would just go away.

"Maybe you should see someone, Aiya. Seemed like you were in a flashback, probably post traumatic stress disorder." He had heard stories, about soldiers coming home, struggling to catch up with the world, struggling to fit in. Most going through PTSD struggling through everything, a lot of them suicidal, some even resorted to drugs or alcohol.

"No it's ok, I've got it under control, just don't worry about it." Her words weren't the least bit reassuring, weak and strained. She was hurting, but she wouldn't accept help, she wouldn't admit to needing it or admit to having a problem.

"Caia.." He got her name out, quick to be cut off, even quicker for her to get up and pour herself a glass of whiskey, not taking long to finish the drink. 

Alcohol helped the hurt of it all, though she never let herself abuse it, not wanting to end up down that road, probably because she thought she wouldn't come back from it. Misha followed her, resting a hand on her shoulder, her gaze caught by the half dark sky outside.

"Misha, I said no ok. Just drop it!" She snapped, knowing he was going to try again, also knowing he meant well, still unable to help the way she snapped at him.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm sorry." She sighed softly, turning around to look at him, rubbing her jaw with frustration. "I will be ok, it's just... I'm just trying to settle back in, that's all. It just takes some time." That sounded more reassuring.

Misha nodded, carefully pulling her into his arms for a quick hug, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before getting dinner from the oven. He navigated his way around, set the table, plated their food and then sat them down on the table. Caia smiled, a real home cooked meal, one that looked amazing, he always did like to cook, when he could at least.

"So what's this movie of yours that came out last month hm?" She had kept track of his work when she could back at base, finding that he had already done some small parts.

"Finding Home." He replied between a bite of food, looking at her, smiling. "Have you been keeping tabs on me?" Brow raised, smile pulled to one side.

"I was, yes, never got to watch anything but I did research when I could. Even changed your name legally." She took a mouthful of food, groaning, the damn roast he had made tasted even better than it looked.

"I certainly did, Misha Collins." He looked back to his plate, cutting some chicken, pairing it with some potato. "I had to grow my hair a little longer than it is now."

Caia smiled, looking at the small tufts of blonde throughout his brunette hair. She could only imagine just how cute he must've looked though she didn't make a comment on it, just continued eating, clearing her plate and then sipped down some water. She then stood up and began cleaning up, Misha joining her once he had finished, the two of them ending up in a soap and bubble fight when they were done, nothing between them really had changed.

"Look at the mess you've made!" He mocked a groan and then laughed, helping her clean the reminants of soap and bubbles before they sat on the couch.

"We both know that you made all that mess." She grinned, resting back, leg up on the coffee table, resting it whilst they tuned in and watched the tv.

"Do you want me to stay the night?" He felt the need to ask because he just couldn't always read her anymore, not like he could when they were younger, not with her trauma. She could be fine one second, then the next she could snap, it was like always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Are you suggesting a sleepover, Meah?" She smiled, laughing softly, looking to him now. "We haven't had a sleepover in so damn long, Christ."

Misha laughed as he shrugged his shoulders effortlessly, smiling at her as he reached the short distance to hold her hand.

"Wow, child much? We are too grown up for sleepovers now, you know that right?" He teased lightly, earning a sour look from her before smiling again. "Who are we kidding right? We're both children." He burst into laughter with her.

They watched tv and drank tea for the rest of the night, finally agreeing that they both get some sleep, neither of them minding about sharing a bed, they were adults, best friends. They also had no problem, or shame, sharing an embrace as they drifted off, and, that night Caia didn't stir.


	10. Chapter 10

Caia awoke early, beating the sun's appearance thanks to her time in the army, eyes drifting over to check the time. A soft groan escaped her lips as she rolled over, pulling the covers over herself, yawning as she closed her eyes once more to attempt sleeping a little while longer.

Misha opened an eye to look at her, a sleepy smile curved his lips, figuring he could get some more sleep for himself before having to leave for work. Three hours drifted by before the two woke back up, both looking at the other with sleepy smiles. He rolled out of bed and moved into the bathroom, then walked down the hall, making them both a cup of fresh tea and some breakfast.

Once finished he said his goodbye for the day, unsure how long his day would be with shooting, though assured her he would check in on her throughout the day. Caia went for a shower and then sat on the couch watching tv, spending the majority of her day like that, occasional naps that were disturbed by nightmares and flashbacks, stirring her in a cold sweat.

She felt tense and uneasy, jumpy at most sounds, a car with a modified engine made her jump, reaching for a weapon that just wasn't on her hip anymore. So maybe she was getting worse, though telling herself that it was just her way of settling back in seemed easier, easier than accepting that she wasn't quite as ok as she thought.

Misha arrived back at her house late during the night, finding her wide awake and overly tense and she was still somewhat jumpy. He sat beside her on the couch and rest a hand on her shoulder, his touch seeming to ease her, noting a little tension escaping her. He had turned a little to look at her when she caught his lips in a heated desperation.

It took him by surprise and caused him to pull away from her, shocked as he asked, "are you sure?" When she nodded Misha crashed his lips back into hers, only parting so they could pull the other's shirt over their head.

Already his erection strained in the combines of his jeans, gripping her hips desperately, pressing her back into the couch after unhooking her bra, hot kisses placed sloppily at her bare skin. Carefully he removed the brace on her leg, then slipped her jeans and underwear off, tongue delving right into her pussy, hands tugging off his jeans and own underwear.

Misha hovered over her before burying himself inside her, no warning, not even with his desperate thrusts, deep groans rumbling in his chest, mixing with the sounds of her moans, her orgasm washing over her intensely, his own following right after, hips jutting until he was empty. He pulled out of her and sat up, resting his elbows against knees, hands rubbing over his face.

Caia moved down the hall, taking a shower before laying in bed, feeling much more relieved now as she drifted off to sleep, Misha then showering himself, deciding it best to sleep on the couch. In the morning her walking to make a pot of coffee had woken him up, his hair stuck up, eyes bright and blue, his face lightly shadowed with facial hair.


	11. Chapter 11

Misha's hair had grown longer for his new acting role, blonde through his fringe and sprawled out flecks through his brunette hair. It only illuminated his bright blue eyes, especially with the sun beaming through the window in the kitchen, hitting his hues.

"Morning." He kicked aside his blanket, getting off the couch to join her in the kitchen, making himself his own cup of coffee. "Last night, what happened?"

"Morning." Caia took her gaze away from her cup, moving it to Misha. "Yesterday was just a rough day, I just needed stress relief, that's all."

Misha smiled, giving a nod, then moved to kiss the top of her head, explaining that he understood and said his goodbye before leaving for work again. She spent the day at the hospital, checkups, scans and having stitches removed. After that she spent the rest of the day going through her fathers will, double checking that everyone had gotten what was left for them.

She ordered some pizza and watched a movie, then decided on an early night, feeling exhausted, as she did most days with minimal sleep of a night. Misha had gotten home late again, tense and feeling the need for a release. He walked into the room, at first making her jump, assuring her that it was just him, easing her back to sleep while he brushed his teeth.

Still feeling tense, he freed himself of his clothes and crawled into bed, pulling the covers down, hovering over her as he pulled down her underwear, groaning at the throb in his hard cock. He bit at her neck as he slid his cock inside her, waking her back up, her hands finding the sheets, gripping them with a moan.

"That's it baby, take it." His voice was dark, deep and animalistic, a growl. He was of course careful of her knee, still rough, hand bunching on her short hair, the other gripped tight on her hip, leaving finger shaped bruises.

Caia cried out in pleasure, urging him to slam his hips harder, faster as he felt the knot in his stomach tighten, biting his lip to hold himself off, leaving her shoulder covered in marks, causing her to come screaming his name, body writhing under him.

"That's it baby, fuck!" He came hard, emptying his hot seed deep inside her, almost falling over her, if it wasn't for his quick reflex. "Sorry, long day." He mumbled, pulling out of her to lay beside her, watching her as she caught her breath back and rolled over, facing him, relaxed.

Caia closed her eyes, finding it easy to fall back asleep, maybe this was working out well for them, a desperate comfort tool, one that they might be able to use. Misha smiled at her sleeping form, then got up to shower, letting the hot water wash away whatever tension was left in his body. His role in the movie was dark, twisted, psychotic even, and he had found himself struggling some days.

Hearing her voice seemed to help for the most part, his best friend, the only person always able to keep him grounded. He still felt drained, tired and emotional as he laid down, laying on his side to watch her sleep, finding that it aided him into sleep himself.


	12. Chapter 12

When Caia woke Misha had already left for work, though she figured that he most likely would have been considering she managed to sleep in a little later than usual. After making herself breakfast and having a coffee, she sat on the couch and removed her brace, stretching her leg, doing her recommended at home therapy.

Injuries like hers took time to heal, that was the most frustrating part, having to wait and work through it. For the most part it was just an annoyance, being limited on what she could do, what she couldn't do having a bigger list. It didn't stop her from pushing herself however way she could, because that was just what soldiers were trained to do, and, at heart she would always be a soldier.

Some heat and ice therapy, some walking around without the brace and some more stretching, the pain wasn't as bad as it had earlier been in the previous days, still somewhat tender, but better. Caia sat down afterwards and tended to some movies on tv, she had a lot to catch up on in that department, though didn't find much of it interesting.

Misha didn't stay at her house that night, he returned to his own apartment instead, dealing with the stresses his new movie was putting on him, the darkness in it. He still felt horrible for how he had acted the night before with her, with the way he just took what he wanted, regardless of whether or not she enjoyed it, it still didn't sit right with him.

For two weeks he made himself ghostly, working, going home, trying not to overthink the heavy toll it was taking on him, wanting to reach out to her, not wanting to put that weight on her. He finally came to his senses, deciding to see her, surprised to find her in a hazed state, struggling to cling on to reality.

Her post traumatic stress had gotten worse, more leering toward bad memories from time in war zones, struggling to believe that it was Misha stood in front of her. After merely missing the contact of a punch, he quickly locked her in his arms and pulled her down, both of them falling on to the couch.

"Hey, stop!" He said softly, struggling to keep her held. "It's Misha, you aren't in the army anymore, there's no war.... Aiya listen to me."

The nickname stopped her fighting his hold, her breath steadying and shaking hands finally stilling, gripping tight against his hands locked around her chest. Her head fell against his chest, weary blue eyes staring at the ceiling, blinking slowly, finally finding that edge of reality again, climbing back up and over it.

"Meah." She breathed out the word, tired, distraught and beginning to worry. Worry that she might not be able to crawl out of that again, that she may end up being one of the suffers who stay stuck in their memories, medicated and kept in a small room.

"It's ok, I'm here." Misha pressed a long kiss to her forehead, then rested his own forehead against the top of her head, still not letting her go, wanting her to know that he was here, that he would always be from now on, whenever she needed him, whenever she found herself nearing that edge again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Talks Of Suicide and Suicidal Thoughts

Misha spent the night, constantly checking on her as she slept, worried for her and yet he knew that only she could help herself. He fell asleep on the couch, waking the next morning, finding her just finishing as she packed a bag, brows furrowed.

"I'm going to a rehabilitation center for soldiers, one that helps with." Caia paused, hating to admit that there was something wrong. "Something is wrong with me, Misha.. I don't want to be here. I need do to try something before I end up hurting you, or someone else... or eating a bullet."

Misha didn't know what to say, though felt his heart break, at each of her words, it brought small specks of tears to his eyes. He knew it was bad, but he didn't know it was that bad, that she had thought about killing herself, that she even wanted to. He stepped closer, pulling her into his arms, her head against his chest, fighting off his tears the best he could.

He offered to give her a ride, she refused and explained there was a cab waiting for her outside, hugging him again, scared. Caia always hid her fear well, but Misha could see it, he always could, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, walked her to the car and waved her goodbye. When the cab was out of sight he spun on his heel and then sat on the stoop, burying his head under his arms, sobbing against his knees.

Caia paid the fare and signed herself in, placing her things in her bag, then handed it over, shown around the facility and to her room. She sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the white wall, rubbing the tears from her eyes. Misha would take on her pain, her fear and sadness, if only he could, he would do it all for her, all of that and so much more.

It was a small mental admittance that the piece of him that was in love with her when they were younger, was still there, still growing, becoming much stronger. His heart felt empty again, his stomach twisted in knots, a lump in his throat. He found himself unable to sleep that night, worried about her, missing her, aching to be close to her again, for her to be in his arms.

Caia sat in the office, across from a psychologist, being asked questions, asked to recall certain events from her time in the military, about her losses, about her nightmares, about being forced to leave Misha when she was younger. About everything, really.

"Leaving Misha, it was harder than war, than killing someone in war. I think a part of me died that day and I don't think I've been the same since then." Her words were soft in explanation, unable to look at the man taking notes. "But war was another kind of hell, watching people who become family die in front of you, watching the life leave their eyes as you hold them in your arms."

She shook her head, earning a look from the man, brow risen, wanting to hear the rest, because the shoe always dropped, hers was her want to not be here anymore.

"I can't sleep, I wake up thinking I'm in the middle of war, that someone just died in my arms, trying to fight off the enemy and I just want it to end, all of it. I want to put a gun in my mouth, I want to pull the trigger and feel it leave as I die."


	14. Chapter 14

The man rose a brow as he noted everything down, then stopped, observing her body language and facial expression.

"It's not uncommon to come home from war and feel these things. A lot of soldiers come home and feel a sense of separation from what they knew to be their life. It is also normal to feel like you aren't yourself after leaving someone or something, that has great importance to you, behind, especially without closure."

The explanation still felt dry, felt incomplete, like there wasn't much of an explanation towards how to get better, to leave those memories where they should be, not haunting her.

"Being open about these things is a big first step, one that will help aid in the rest of your recovery. Some days and nights, will be harder than others but remembering how far you've come, everything that you've fought through, that is what will help as well as surrounding yourself with people that care about you... now, let's talk more about Misha."

There it was, his own other shoe to drop, Misha. What could she really say about the situation, it wouldn't change it, it couldn't change how much it still hurt her or the piece of her heart that stopped beating that day.

"It was the worst day of my life, I uh... I was in love with Misha, he was my first love you know and I still have nightmares about leaving. The look on his face as our car drove off down the street, or how safe and loved I felt when we both hugged before I left. The tears in his eyes or the slouch of defeat in his shoulders or how I could physically feel and hear his heart break in his chest when we hugged." Caia sighed softly, elbows resting against the table, hands covering her face for a moment.

"And?" The question drew out for a moment, the doctor deciding to further it. "Are you still in love with him?"

Her face pulled away from he rolled hands, the tears in her eyes a non verbal confirmation of how she felt about Misha.

"I can't act on it, he deserves better than this... me. He deserves someone who's sane, someone who will love him and not hurt him and that is not me."

The doctor began noting everything down again, letting out a soft breath.

"And have you told him?"

Caia answered with a silent shake of her head, hands rubbed together before coming into her pockets.

Misha spent his time working for a few weeks, trying not to focus on Caia too much because he knew it would only hurt him, especially given that she had denied a number of his visits. So instead he busied himself, with anything, from reading and writing, crafting furniture and anything else that he could.

Caia continued to turn down his visits, each of them, even though he never stopped trying, even though she ignored his letters, he never stopped trying. For two months it continued, for two months he ached to see her, to hear her voice, hug her, but for two months he didn't get a chance to.

Misha stepped inside her father's house after working, finding her cleaning the house, packing some of her fathers things that weren't needed around the house, then packed them away in the garage. He didn't know what to say, not until she caught a look at him stood there.

"You didn't tell me you were coming home."


	15. Chapter 15

"I didn't tell anyone so." A shrug followed her reply, straight faced and unbothered. "Misha, you should go home."

Misha was thrown by her words, unsure of what had just happened for that to be said, unsure of... everything. He took a small step toward her, hands in his pockets, head tilted slightly to the side, lips in a firm line.

"Go home?" He questioned. "You want me to leave? That's it, no catching up or hanging out?"

Caia shrugged while following up that notion with a nod. "Yes, just leave."

"Can we at least talk? About this or us or whatever is happening right now?" He was upset, rightfully so, and just wanted to make sure that she was ok, he wanted to know what had sparked this.

"No! Will you just go? I don't need a god damned babysitter Dmitri, I don't need you to fix me, I don't need to talk about my feelings or have you here!" Her words were harsh, not meaning to have been so hard on him, but with her temper, with her still learning to deal with things, it was inevitable.

"Fine, fine if that's what you want then whatever." Misha made sure to grab what little clothes he had there, storming out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him, thankfully he didn't drive out of the street dangerously, but he had sure as hell been angry.

She couldn't tell him the truth, she couldn't bring herself to admit that she was still in love with him, because she thought he deserved better, someone who could love him the way he deserved to be loved, someone that wouldn't hurt him. He, on the other hand, wanted everything with her, regardless of her demons, of her struggles, regardless of anything. He wanted to spend the rest of his life loving her, he wanted to spend every last second he had with her, never wanting to be away from her again.

If her world fell apart, he would start a riot, there was not a single thing in the universe that he would not do for her. Right now he couldn't see any of that, all he could see was his anger, all he could feel was his sadness, or how empty he now felt. All she could think about was him, about a future that they could never have, about a house with kids, with a big backyard and maybe a dog, about family holiday's and exploring life.

Two days passed, two weeks, two months, the time just passed by, faster than ever. Four months it had been since she saw that pain in his eyes again, four months since they had heard each other's voice, seen each other's face, four months that went by so fast, yet so damn long. Yet again it had been raining in Los Angeles, like it had the last few days, though she thought she was doing well, all she could think about at any given time, was Misha.

Caia stared at his name in her phone, exhaling a cloud of dead smoke, she almost hit the call button a thousand times, she almost sent him a text a thousand times. She was one second away from running to him, to confessing everything, to laying it all out on the line, heart on her sleeve.

She hesitated for a moment but against her better judgement had driven to his small house and knocked on the door, hands in her pockets as it rained down on her, soaking her clothing as she waited. When the door opened, he froze where he stood, stunned, shocked to see her standing there in front of him.

"Before you say anything, I know ok." Caia grit her teeth and sighed. "I am in love with you, Misha, I have been since we were kids and that never stopped. I didn't say anything because you deserved someone who could love you the way you deserved to be loved, someone who wouldn't hurt you. Someone better than me."


End file.
